i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
