Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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