all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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