Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
