I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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