she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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