May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
