Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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