So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize