please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize