i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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