Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize