I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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