My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Pants are for mortals
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I love you. Go after that dick
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
