well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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