I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Randomize
