Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
