i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
