OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
