3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize