why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
