If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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