Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
