i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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