Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
