the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
