So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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