You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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