I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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