Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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