The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
