I'm gonna have a badass scar
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
