If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
