i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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