ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
