I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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