What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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