Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
