I wish they made helmets for livers.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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