Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
