i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
