A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Randomize