I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
