How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You are a genius and a whore.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize