Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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