"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Randomize
