I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
