I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
