I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
