I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
