Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
