oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
