i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
