I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize