I have demons in me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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