The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
