You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
