Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
