end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
