How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
