Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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