Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
